Bipolar Depression

It's been a while since I made a blog post on this website and I decided since I'm not in a good place mentally right now perhaps this would be a good place to just vent about my problems and discover whatever it is that's bringing me down so low. I haven't really talked about it but a while but a while back my diagnosis was changed to being bipolar with PTSD. I've been going to group therapy every week and taking my medication as prescribed yet, I still don't feel much better.

I have this overwhelming feeling of defeat and quite honestly right now I don't feel like I have any control over my life whatsoever. I feel out of it and at the same time my feelings range from extremely emotional all the way to bipolar-mood-swings-posterrobotic and emotion free. Slowly, I've been figuring out what my triggers are and once I do figure them out hopefully I can come up with a plan to avoid them.

My brain right now doesn't feel as sharp as it used to in fact, I'm actually having a lot of difficulty typing up this blog post. I don't sleep well at night because I'm awakened by nightmares of traumatic things that have happened to me in my life and when I wake up it takes me a few minutes to realize where I am and that I’m not that child experiencing these horrible things.

I just feel like sleeping all day long because assuming I don't have the nightmares and am able to sleep at least when I'm sleeping. I also don't have the anxiety and depression which in the past had a strong hold on me for many years now. Sometimes, I feel like I should find a doctor who will give me a lobotomy because walking around brainless and feeling emotion free because it sounds a lot better than what I've been living with.

I pray some sort of miracle takes place in my life and I finally am able to live a normal life free of all this depression and anxiety.

 

One thought on “Bipolar Depression

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