I feel a lot better now than I had been and hopefully that means my new medicines to treat my bipolar disorder and PTSD are finally working. I woke up this morning happy and for the first time in a very long time I was actually looking forward to the day ahead even though I didn't rally have anything at all planned. I decided that maybe it's time for me to start having daily devotions again and today I started them up by reading Psalms chapter 1.
Sometimes however, I have trouble putting my faith in God because of all the bad things that have happened to me in my life. In fact, there have been times that I even have questioned whether or not God actually cares about me and I've even gone as far as to question the very existence of God. This goes against my upbringing but sometimes you have to wonder if God is a caring and merciful God then why didn't he help me in the past when I had an extremely close relationship with him. Don't get me wrong I do believe in God and I do pray along with reading my Bible but maybe not as often as I should. I don't go to church anymore because the anxiety and depression I have from my bipolar disorder makes it difficult for me to be in any social situation.
My life is just a mess and hopefully some miracle will come and save me. I hate the fact that 95% of the time I'm extremely depressed and the rest of the time I'm pretty much insane. God willing, I'll find some kind of balance.