This year Mother’s Day will be Sunday May 13th, 2012 and it will be the first Mother’s Day I’ve had to experience since my mother’s passing late last year. I can already feel the anxiety and depression building so much so I was proactive and will be back on my depression and PTSD medication before that day finally comes.
I’ve tried everything to help me deal with all of the difficult feelings regarding my mother’s death and the only thing that has really helped me deal with this has been not really dealing with it at all by avoiding things that remind me of her and avoiding going over to her home to see my dad since my dad has her ashes there on display.
I’m sure over time things will get easier but it takes a while and when the time comes I think one day I will be able to deal with my grieving properly. Until then however I am just doing my best playing this game of avoidance to keep myself from having a complete meltdown.
I start 12 weeks of group therapy this Wednesday and I’m optimistic that I will learn some coping methods that I can employ in my life and be more normal. I don’t really like being a hermit but it just seems being shut away in my home away from people and my triggers is the only thing that keeps me from completely melting down.
Happy Mother’s Day mom I love you and miss you. I hope one day I am able to see you again in that you are completely free of pain and happy where you are right now.