So as you know if you have been reading this stupid blog, my mother is dying of cancer. She’s in the final stage and the hospital has moved her to at home hospice. I went to visit her yesterday while my kids were in school and I wasn’t able to handle it. I can’t bear to see my mother looking so frail and not even recognize who I am. I want to visit her but can’t bring myself to see her like that again. I’ve had almost crippling panic attacks and just the thought of seeing my mom in that bad of shape starts to set me off. Does it make me a bad person if I don’t visit in what may be her final days?
I defiantly don’t want to take my kids over because I don’t want them to remember their grandma this way. I’m torn, I want to see my mother but if I go see her like this I know I’m going to end up in the hospital myself. I love my mom and I really hope she gets better but I think I have finally realized whats going to happen. Life is precious and we waste so many opportunities and even now I’m filled with so many regrets.