This is a little embarrassing to write about but I know I usually feel better after I share my feelings here on my blog. So my doctor has me on a lot of psychiatric meds for my bipolar and PTSD and lately I feel like my depression is gone which is a good thing. I am however experiencing a lot of other unwanted feelings now that my depression has lifted a bit most notably severe anxiety along with quite a few things I just can't explain.
I have weird compulsions lately like wanting to hide in my closet or bathroom .I Feel like everyone is watching me and if I make eye contact they will suck my thoughts right out of my head. I do weird things like laying outside next to my car on the ground or sitting in the trunk area my van. What is really weird is I feel as if I don't do these things my head will explode. I 'm a lot more agitated than usual and there's like a voice (Not like another person talking) but a voice that just wont shut up in my head that makes things unbearable. It's like I have a million thoughts running in my mind constantly. Even though I've all ready covered all the windows in my home where no light even comes through I keep thinking someone is somehow watching me and wants to hurt me.
I hope I'm not going insane. Part of me hopes this is something that will fade or is a side effect from the new medicine my doctor put me on to replace the Wellbutrin I was taking. The only time I really feel comfortable is around bedtime when I have taken my nighttime meds along with 300 mg of trazodone to help me sleep. Most times this knocks me out completely but there are sometimes where my mania is so bad I pretty much go for a while without any sleep whatsoever despite the pills.
I still have a few weeks before I see my therapist who prescribes my meds and I just didn't feel up to going to group therapy today due to my agitation. I'm sorry if this is kind of rambling it's just that it's hard to pull the correct thoughts because I have hundreds of them running through my mind right now. It's kind of like that little disclaimer at the end of a commercial talking that fast but like a ton of them going on at once.