It’s Easter weekend and I’m finding I’m having to take the maximum doses of my medication in order just to cope with my depression and PTSD issues that this holiday is causing me. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s the first Easter since my mother passed away from cancer that’s causing the stress but I don’t think so because my family never really celebrated Easter at all because my dad’s views on it and it’s pagan roots.
Whatever the case all I know is my PTSD has relapsed. I’ve been experiencing traumatic flashbacks, horrific nightmares and overall depressive episodes and all my medicine seems to do is keep me from plunging into the depths of no return. I need to do something so tonight I’m going to go to church so that I can help my dad out by filming his sermon and posted on YouTube for him. Then tomorrow I think I will try to change things up and take the kids to the zoo just to get out of the house.
The more I think about what is causing my relapse the more I’m convinced it has something to do with Sadie’s death because it just shocked me since when we spoke on the telephone she never even let on that she was ill. I think her death probably forced me to look at other issues I have and also forced me to accept that death can come for anyone at any time.
So as I spend some time this weekend with my children and hopefully regain control my PTSD I must start trying to live in the moment because nobody is guaranteed a tomorrow. As humans were all procrastinators and never really truly accept our own mortality. Most of us go through life blindly thinking we have all the time in the world when the truth is the hand of death is eerily knocking at our door.
Death comes for us all and hopefully in the end we’re not left on our deathbed full of regrets. It’s time for me to embrace life and fix the things about it that I do not like rather than letting them depressed me and control me. To steal a line from a movie my son likes ‘Meet the Robinson’s’ “Keep moving forward”.