It’s a tough thing to admit but yep, I’ a loser. I haven’t had a job in a few years because it’s hard for me to concentrate sometimes. I have no money. I rarely leave the house because I’m afraid of going outside. Worst of all for the first time today I realized I may be losing my mind a little bit.
It may just be the stress but I really think something is wrong with me. I need help but have no idea what kind or how to get it. I’ve tried therapy but that always made it worse. Med’s turn me into a zombie. So I have no clue about what my next step should be. Maybe my earlier thoughts about not belonging are correct. I really don’t offer much other than being a live in babysitter for my wife who makes a few bucks every once and awhile from my websites.
I wish I could escape. Maybe I should go back to meds and the nothingness because right now I feel unwanted, hurt and unneeded. It’s funny I can remember the last time I felt this way. It was back in 2005 about two and a half weeks before I tried to permanently give up on this life. What I wouldn’t give to feel like a useful member of society. Right now life just sucks. Maybe I’ll feel better soon. Hardest thing right now is the hours I spend alone with nobody at all to talk to.