I’ve come to terms that the process of healing from growing up with the trauma of living in a dysfunctional family is nearly impossible. Even once you’ve reached adulthood many of these horrific memories from your childhood persist and haunt you. I’m 40 years old and still haven’t figured out a way to get over these terrible memories.
Many things seem to trigger my past traumas some of which until recently I had blocked out. It could be something as simple as seeing people arguing in public, a random movie scene, or even certain smells or words can trigger me. The past few weeks have been pretty hard on me. I’m not saying everyone in my family are horrible human beings it’s just that I believe some of them are just toxic and need to be avoided.
While you’re supposed to be close to your family from what I’ve heard just being around any of these particular family members trigger painful memories I can’t seem to stop. Not only do these memories trigger my anxiety they also continue to lower my self-esteem whenever I think of these events or even look in the mirror.
I do realize that even though I have been mistreated, it shouldn’t affect my self-esteem but it does. The fact that I don’t have a job right now is also a big part of my lack of feelings of self-worth. I feel emotionally drained, and without the structure, I had in my life while working life is just really hard to get a grip on.
While I do want to add more to this post, I don’t fill up to it at the moment. Thanks for reading.