Please forgive me if you find errors in this blog post because I’m trying out a new software that allows me to just speak instead of type and it will post it on my blog. Anyway, lately I’ve been feeling a lot like the Coyote In the Road Runner cartoons. If you ever watch the cartoon you’ll know what I mean. Every time the Coyote is about to catch the Road Runner something always goes wrong and usually it’s the Coyote’s fault. I feel like maybe I’ve been sabotaging my own life in many ways.
This depression that I’ve been in feels like it’s sucking the life out of me and keep down I feel like I have the power to somehow snap out of it and put an end to it. I wish I knew what to do. It’s like some days I am happy beyond belief, while others I’m on the verge of tears all day. I’m lucky today happens to be a good day so I decided to go ahead and update my blog.
It just seems when things are going good I do something to let the bad back in. For example, my weight loss journey was going well then my mom got sick and I became an emotional eater. I would justify it by saying I needed to junk food to relax. I mean it’s not like I’m doing drugs. However, the junk food is just as bad because it’s slowly killing me much like the way the drugs would. I am now back on my diet (kind of) and trying to work out a little each day but each day is a struggle.
Another way I keep sabotaging myself is with my family. My wife is amazing. She goes out of her way to try to make me feel better but stupid me I find myself super depressed sometimes without any idea why I feel that way. I got to be a better husband and a better father to my kids. I don’t know, maybe I should just go back to seeing a psychiatrist every week and take the medicine they wanted me to. It’s just when I take it I feel like a zombie. Dead inside, never really sad but also I never experience happiness with it either.
I’m sorry if I’m rambling. It’s just right now talking about this out loud is kind of therapeutic. By the way thank you to everybody who’s been praying for my mom, it means a lot to me. I went to visit her this weekend and she wasn’t looking very good. So if you don’t mind, please keep her in your prayers. I just hope that there is some way to ease her pain. Maybe, my moms cancer is a reason for my depressive mood swings.
On the bright side, I am going to start going to the gym again so that may help me on two fronts the weight loss and depression. Maybe I just need to get more exercise than I’ve been getting because exercise releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy. I’ll let you know how it all works out. Thanks for reading.