It's been a few months now and I still haven't come to terms with my Moms death. I wake up at night sometimes a bit freaked out because of I have a dream about her and I realize I won't ever see her again. It's been hard and in some ways harder than it was for me than when Sarah passed. I think the main thing is my mother had been there for me all of my life up until the moment of her death and I just don't like the thought of being in a world where she's not there for me to talk to and ask advice of.
I wish I could talk to her just one more time to get a few things off my chest but unfortunately that's not possible. In fact I can't even visit a grave and talk to her that way because my father had her cremated and keeps her urn in his living room. I would go and talk to her there but I can't get the memory of her lying in her bed dead out of my head whenever I enter my father's home. I guess maybe I should just write my feelings down or even just speak them aloud to myself and hope that helps. I'm just hurting on the inside right now because I never did learn how to properly grieve.